‘Heart Eyes:’ Worst. Date night. Ever!
It’s Valentine’s Day 2025, and Seattle, Washington has woken up to horrifying news — the infamous Heart Eyes has struck in their city and plans to continue their annual tradition of holiday slaughter. For the past several Valentine’s Days, Heart Eyes has made a name for themselves stalking, attacking and eviscerating happy couples. For once, the most terrifying thing about February 14 isn’t being single.
Ally McCabe (Oliva Holt), one of the films’ leads, is one such single person. Still reeling from a nasty breakup, McCabe finds herself crossing paths with the young and ambitious advertising consultant Jay Simmonds. A series of coincidences leads to them agreeing to go out to dinner on Valentine’s day — though, as McCabe insists multiple times, it isn’t a date — and unknowingly places them directly in Heart Eyes’ firing line. The stage is set for a romantic comedy/slasher for the ages, but when the curtain falls, who will fall with it?
The world of “Heart Eyes” feels like it wouldn’t be out of place in other media that depicts a society full of caricatures, such as the “Grand Theft Auto” series of games or the 1993 film “Falling Down.” This familiar element does the film a great service. Its dedication to portraying every last member of Seattle as more than a little eccentric can make it occasionally difficult to root for our heroes, but otherwise this movie is a consistent and enjoyable source of comedy. The choice to shoot so many of the romantic scenes of the film like something straight out of the Hallmark channel adds to this effect. Alternating between visceral and saccharine moments gives the film a unique, engaging atmosphere.
The fact that the film isn’t taking itself completely seriously also keeps the obnoxious and vapid people that populate it from becoming overbearing or annoying, setting up some wonderfully goofy scenes. These moments may not be everyone’s cup of tea, but the unsubtle nature of the gags fits nicely with the kind of gory, in-your-face action one would expect from a slasher.
The Heart Eyes killer themselves effectively fills their role as a murderous threat to our heroes, but they fall disappointingly short of becoming a memorable villain. Shades of Ghostface from “Scream” and Michael Myers of “Halloween” are present, but Heart Eyes does not possess enough unique flair to make them greater than the sum of their influences. Especially in a film so interested in depicting a silly, over-the-top world, it’s a shame the titular killer lacks the kind of absurdity that could have let them reach the heights of the horror icons they’re clearly lifting ideas from.
Make no mistake, “Heart Eyes” is worth your while. The richness of its premise rarely feels as fleshed out as it could be, but it remains a competently-built romantic-comedy-slasher. While unlikely that it will endure in the same way as all-time great slashers have, it remains distinct enough to stand out and has enough clever moments to sustain itself.
